These Eight Ridiculous Minnesota Giants Need Their Own Statues
Everything is bigger in Texas? Please. Clearly, anyone who believes that has never spent a summer road-tripping through the North Star State.
Grab your walking shoes and a serious sense of adventure. Here are eight of the most ridiculous oversized giants that could (and should) be built in Minnesota.
1) The Juicy Lucy Statue
Where to Build it: Minneapolis (obviously, though we won't pick a side in the Matt's Bar vs. 5-8 Club rivalry).
The Pitch: If we can build monuments to giant fish, we can build a monument to Minnesota’s greatest culinary contribution to the world. A 50-foot structural burger where the cheese looks like it’s frozen in mid-ooze is exactly what the Twin Cities skyline is missing.
2) The Tater Tot Hotdish Monument
Where to Build it: St. Paul (The State Capitol)
The Pitch: A dish this holy belongs right in the seat of power. Sitting majestically on the grounds near the Capitol building, this massive, 20-foot bronze casserole dish overflows with a mountain of perfectly stacked, concrete tater tots. It’s a monument to the ultimate comfort food that has brought Minnesota families together at every potluck, church basement dinner, and holiday gathering for generations. It honors the sacred, unofficial state meal on an epic scale, reminding everyone who visits the capital what truly fuels the state.
3) The Colossal 50-Foot Paul Bunyan's Flapjack
Where to Build it: Brainerd (The Playground of the Lakes)
The Pitch: Brainerd already has the legendary talking Paul Bunyan statue, but the man needs his breakfast. Leaning casually against a mock-up of Paul’s actual 60-foot leg, this painted concrete flapjack is the size of a local ice skating rink. Complete with a giant, molded slab of melting butter on top, this monument celebrates the epic scale of logging folklore. It looks like it was flipped right out of a skillet and landed perfectly on the edge of the woods, waiting for a giant lumberjack to grab a fork.
4) The Gigantic Minnesota "OPE" Sign
Where to Build it: St. Cloud (The Heartland Crossroads)
The Pitch: It’s the word that slips out of every Minnesotan’s mouth at least 50 times a day—whether you bump into someone at the grocery store or almost merge into their lane. It deserves a monument. Carved from a massive piece of solid Minnesota granite, this 30-foot-tall monument simply spells out "OPE!" in friendly capital letters. Dropped right into the center of a bustling traffic circle or a busy downtown plaza, this ancient-looking block of stone stands as a polite but unyielding obstacle. It’s a tongue-in-cheek celebration of the state's most flexible, accidental word.
5) The Sky-High 100-Foot Grey Goose of Duluth
Where to Build it: Duluth (The Gateway to the North Shore)
The Pitch: Move over, Aerial Lift Bridge—there’s a new boss in the harbor. Rising an incredible 100 feet into the air on the rocky shores of Lake Superior, this massive, stylized steel goose stands guard over the Duluth shipping lanes. With its wings outstretched as if caught in mid-flight, this monumental waterfowl casts a massive shadow over the lake. It looks less like a friendly bird and more like an ancient, magnificent titan welcoming massive freighter ships into port. It’s the ultimate photo-op for anyone making the trek up the North Shore.
6) The Giant Minnesota Snow Boot Monument
Where to Build it: International Falls (The Icebox of the Nation)
The Pitch: If you are going to build a monument to the ultimate weapon against a brutal winter, it has to be in the coldest city in the lower 48 states. Standing at a whopping 35 feet tall, this gargantuan bronze and rubber boot honors the footwear that keeps Minnesota moving through six months of snow and sub-zero wind chills. Complete with laces thick enough to be used as anchor ropes on a Mississippi barge, this towering boot sits right on the edge of town, looking like it could easily step over a highway. It’s a hilarious, heavy-duty tribute to surviving the frozen north.
7) The Colossal, 'State of Hockey' Puck
Where to Build it: Bemidji (The State of Hockey)
The Pitch: Move over, Paul Bunyan; there’s a new giant in town. Celebrating Minnesota’s unparalleled devotion to the game, this 30-foot granite monument of a puck stands as a monolithic tribute on the shores of Lake Bemidji.
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