I Hope I Never Meet Comedian Paul F. Tompkins – Let Me Explain

Paul F. Tompkins is a very funny comedian, actor, and performer, and I hope I never meet him.

OK, let me backup. A statement like that needs some context.

Paul F. Tompkins is a very funny comedian, actor, and performer. He has several stand up comedy specials and albums, he's been in movies and on TV. He's the voice of Mr. Peanutbutter on Bojack Horseman. 

And, he's someone I've developed a para-social relationship with. You see, PFT (as the cool kids know him), is also a professional podcaster and I am a podcast weirdo.

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It’s not out of the question that I might run into Tompkins. I work with radio stations, he’s a touring comedian, our paths could cross. 

I discovered Mr. Tompkins in the 1990s on the sketch show, Mr. Show With Bob and David. That show and the McDonald's Batman Returns glasses were the best things about the 90s. I followed the careers of everyone on the show. That’s how I found Paul’s stand up comedy.

By the way, check out his stand up specials, especially Laboring Under Delusions and Crying and Driving.

When podcasting was first talking off In the 2010s, Paul quickly became a mainstay on several shows. He’s since been called the “Mayor of Podcasting” because of his prolific appearances and his own shows. He is a wonderful conversationalist.

He is also a very talented comedy improviser. Especially on my current favorite podcast, Comedy Bang! Bang! where he plays different characters.

He’s great about opening up when he’s talking. I've heard about his growing up in a big working class family in Philadelphia, his mental health journey, his hobbies, work, and just life in general. 

I connected with him so hard, I bonded with him in this strange podcast-listener way because I saw myself in his stories. As I’ve listened to him talk about his relationships, working in entertainment, and just life; I've learned so much about myself. He’s put into words feelings and thoughts that have been rattling around my brain. 

As my wife said when I made her listen to PFT on the The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, “He’s you!” I found existential relief listening to someone I like and respect talking about their life in ways that I connect with. 

The reason I say that I hope I never meet Paul F. Tompkins is because of this picture:

That is me, my former girlfriend (and current wife), some other people, and comedian and podcaster Jimmy Pardo.

Jimmy was in Sioux Falls with the Bob and Tom Comedy Tour a few years ago. Since I am a minor local celebrity…ok, I work with local celebrities…I was able to meet Mr. Pardo backstage before the show. 

Besides being a great stand-up comic, Jimmy Pardo hosts a podcast, Never Not Funny, that I have been listening to since 2009.

I have been there as Jimmy had babies, got and lost jobs in Hollywood, went through health challenges and family tragedies. 

Jimmy essentially became one of my best friends. Only, he didn’t know it. 

Podcasts have the power of radio times a thousand

It is extremely intimate to have someone in your ear talking directly to your brain. That closeness is why I fell in love with radio when I was a tiny child. It's why I fell asleep listening to talk radio every night for decades.

Podcasts take that feeling to an absurd new level

I was so excited to meet Jimmy. I went right up to him, shook his hand and blurted out, “HiJimmyI’mBenlovetheshow!” If he had any reaction, my adrenaline soaked brain didn’t let me remember it. 

After the photo, Mr. Pardo and I made uncomfortable (to me) small talk. A thing was going on in my brain. I kept wanting to talk to him like I knew him! I wanted to ask how the family is doing, was his IT band healing, is Mike Segal really that handsome?  

You know, the types of questions you'd ask a longtime friend. The problem was that he didn’t know me at all. I kept imagining what it would be like from his perspective. Some weirdo who knows way too much about his life asking oddly personal questions just before a show. 

Yeah, I probably overthought it. That's how my mind is built. I've spent more time than is healthy cringing over this memory, and thinking about the bizarre relationships I’ve developed with these strangers. 

I’ve heard this situation called a parasocial relationship. They are  “...one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence.” 

I felt personally attacked by that definition findapsychologist.org, but yeah, that's about right. As an admitted idiosyncratic loaner, podcasts changed my life. I found my people. I’ve found real people I identify with, can learn from, and have fun. 

They just don’t know that we have this relationship.

Paul F. Tompkins is my favorite entertainer. He is also one of my favorite people. In lots of ways I am a better person because I've spent so much time with him.

And yeah, that was a really insane thing to type, I can’t imagine saying something like that to him in person. I’m already a blob of anxiety when I meet someone, I don't need to insert this flavor of craziness.

I have plenty of other anxiety-stricken interactions to obsess over, I don’t need to meet my heroes and add to the list. 

So yeah, I hope I never meet Paul F. Tompkins.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Ben Kuhns is just some guy on the internet. He is a wannabe writer whose wife thinks he's funny. He writes for Results-Townsquare Media in Sioux Falls South Dakota.

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